We live in a society where information is easily accessible. No longer is it necessary to only rely on word of mouth or trying to find information using a phone book and a telephone when searching for any given topic, adopting a child included.

In starting our own search, my husband and I talked to members in both of our extended families who have added children into their families through the aid of adoption; their stories much different than our own, they only had a limited few choices. Things were very different back 30 years ago – information was difficult to come by as were options. Today we are fortunate that, when adding a baby into a family, we have the opportunity to choose a direction which works best for us individually.

The Adoption Agency – Regardless of where you live, odds are there are a handful of adoption agencies close to you. An adoption agency is an organization that matches families who want to start a family with birth parents who are considering relinquishing their child using the adoption process. Typically agencies have counselors who work with both sides of the adoption – the family looking to adopt and the birth parents who are considering placing their child for adoption. In using an agency, there are options to have an open adoption, semi-open or closed. Some agencies offer local adoption options while others may offer nationwide and/or international options. Finding the right match for you is essential when choosing this route.

Attorney Based Adoptions – Another option to consider when looking to add a child into a family is working with an adoption-based attorney who specializes in matching birth parents and adoptive parents together, similar to what an adoption agency can do but on a much smaller scale. This route can be more costly than other options. 

Frozen Embryo Adoption Agencies – This process offers the option of using a third party’s frozen embryos. It is a process which allows families with remaining frozen embryos to donate them to a family wishing to start a family. It requires implantation of the embryo into the female and can offer the opportunity for the adopting family to experience pregnancy and childbirth.

Fostering First – It is possible for some families to add a child they are fostering into their own family through adoption. Typically the foster family cares for the child during a term, however in some instances, parental rights are permanently terminated by the court, and the child can be formally adopted.

The Personal Connection – Typically not as common as some of the other methods, though still an opportunity to adopt a child, is a personal connection. The friends and family of the party interested in starting a family may also know someone who is considering placing their child for adoption or may know someone who knows someone else looking to connect with a forever family. Once both parties agree that they wish to pursue the experience, they can start to work together and decide the best path to proceed. 

While making the decision to adopt a child is exciting, finding the right method to make that happen is just as important. Take time to talk to family members and friends about their adoption experiences and to research your options carefully and thoroughly. Make sure to ask a lot of questions with whatever organization or group you choose before you make the decision that best fits your emotional and financial needs, knowing at the end of the adoption process you’ll be starting another beautiful chapter in your life.

The post How Do I Adopt A Baby? appeared first on Adoption Magazine | Article, Adoptive Families, Parenting.

As the years went by, I met my husband, got married, started a successful career and built a life for myself as a professional married woman. I was upfront with my husband about my physical limitations when we became more seriously involved and he was okay with the fact that we would not be able to have children; having children wasn’t important to either of us. But after we had been married for several years each of us came to the realization that something was missing.

He was the first the bring up the topic of starting a family knowing that I would not be able to carry a pregnancy of my own. At first mention, I was opposed to the idea. I’d built my career and I didn’t have that maternal pull that some women do. I was focused and determined on my career and having a child didn’t fit into the picture. It was possible that the news I had been given earlier in life about my inability to carry a pregnancy I had put the idea of being a parent out of my mind completely, but once he planted that seed…I started to think about becoming a parent.

The topic of having a child eventually became a topic I was willing to discuss. My life was good but it felt empty, my husband and I both felt the same way. After a few years and many long conversations about starting a family, I finally agreed to look at our options; I remained hesitant about every aspect of it but agreed to the idea of looking into the possibility.

Initially, my husband did the majority of the research as I was still on the fence about the idea of becoming a parent. He’d send information to me about our options on long, in-depth emails or we’d spend countless hours in deep discussion about what he’d found. When he mentioned an option that was agreeable to us both, I’d agree to meet to hear what they had to say. The more he did the research, the more the topic became a center of the conversation, and the more I started to warm up to the idea until I made the decision on my own…I wanted to be a parent. 

Up until that point I had only myself and our pets to consider. My life was very carefree and uninhibited with restrictions or outside responsibility; I had taken the time to do the things that had once been important to me. But the more I started to look at my life, where I had been, where I was headed, the emptiness grew stronger very quickly. Eventually, we came to the decision together that we wanted to start a family, and because of my physical limitations, adoption was our only option. We never hesitated over the idea of adoption for an instant. We knew that if we wanted to have children in our lives it would have to be with the assistance of adoption; it was a non-issue.

Compared to other families that we knew who also adopted, our journey ran about as typical as they come. We did our research, we found the right fit, we were matched with an incredible adoption counselor and 13 months later we were granted the best gift life has ever given us… a baby girl.

At the moment we decided to have a family, my life changed completely, every single aspect of it. My career and professional aspirations suddenly had no significant importance compared to raising a child; my primary focus became being the best mother I could be. 

Our journey took a while to get started, to hit the point where we made the decision to become parents, but there hasn’t been one second of my life as a mother that I’ve ever regretted my decision. My daughter is my world, she is my center, my life, my entire universe, and I would do anything within my power to protect her and give her everything I can to ensure her happiness and safety. She is my angel and I honestly can’t imagine what my life would be without having her to brighten my everyday. Not only did adoption grant us the most precious gift of all in my daughter, but it also changed my life in its entirety for the better.

The post How We Came to the Decision About Adoption appeared first on Adoption Magazine | Article, Adoptive Families, Parenting.

Receiving the gift of a child is one of the greatest treasures ever known. The pure joy and rush of emotions is overwhelming when you hear that you’ve been chosen as a forever family for a child. But if you’ve chosen an open adoption, not only are you receiving the gift of a beautiful child, but also the possible gift of including the birth parents and their families as well.

Choosing an open adoption means you and your partner have decided you want to have an ongoing relationship with one or both of the birth parents and possibly their families. The option of an open adoption gives you and your child the opportunity to know their history in all senses of the word, and some might say, gives a better overall experience for your child as he/she grows to know his/her story firsthand. But there are some things that aren’t always shared about an open adoption, little details that stay behind the curtain, and those sometimes can be just as overwhelming if they come into play.

Trust

Not everyone who comes to your door should be given immediate trust; the same is true with an open adoption. With the rush of emotions surging through you, it can be easy to want to throw caution to the wind and forget to set important boundaries.

We have friends who were chosen as a forever family to a toddler with the stipulation from the birth mother that the relationship would remain open. With joy in their hearts and trust in their souls, they gladly welcomed the opportunity to become permanent parents to a foster child they’d come to love as their own. Because they’d been overly open with the birth mother about their financial situation, after the adoption was complete, every time that she needed money she came knocking on their door–regardless of time…day or night. Her persistence to pressure them into giving her anything she wanted because, in her mind she’d given them her child, soon became too involved and they had to change their relationship.

Healthy Boundaries

In our own case, we learned another few important lessons. One of the most difficult lessons for us was not knowing to set limitations. Once our birth mother knew she had our full attention, she would share inappropriate comments with us in front of our child that were shocking to our adult ears. They were in no way, shape, or form something a child of any age should hear.

Over time if she sensed stress in our relationship, she’d over-dramatize a situation hoping we’d rush to her side and shower her with affection and love. When we didn’t come running, she started stalking us. It eventually became a dangerous situation for our child and for both of us as adults.

Tension & Relationships

Another unexpected lesson we learned immediately was not everyone in the birth mother’s family was agreeable to being included. We wanted our child to know about her story, to know about her birth mother and how she came to choose us as her biological child’s forever family; the biological grandfather wanted nothing to do with us. Although we had hoped for a better reception from her family, we respected the choices her family made.

An open adoption might mean you’re only welcoming one or both birth parents into your lives, and you need to be okay with that fact. The reality of an open relationship doesn’t always look like the picture perfect scenario it does in your mind. Be aware of your relationship with whomever you welcome into your world and be willing to change your rules and limitations if the need arises.

Take your time to ease into the new relationship with the biological parents and their families–learn what they are like as people. Just because they’ve chosen you to raise their child as your own does not have to mean you owe them. Learn about them, who they are at their core, and how they’ve walked their journey to you. Don’t be too excited to share everything at once, it’s not a race, but it is an important decision in your life. Remember that it is up to you to protect you and your family in the best way.

Open adoption can bring an entire new perspective to your family and your adoptive child; it can be an incredible, warm and loving experience. Just be sure to realize your limitations, set firm ground rules, and stay firm. Welcome to parenthood…your life will now be forever better.

The post Things You Didn’t Know About Open Adoption appeared first on Adoption Magazine | Article, Adoptive Families, Parenting.

Making the decision to adopt a child can be one of the most loving, difficult, complicated things you’ll ever face as an adult. It may mean that you’ve had to come to terms with your own infertility issues, failed attempts with your own pregnancies, questions and exterior complications thrown in from those around you, and finding the perseverance to overcome it all; it can be a mix of every emotion…but adoption is so worth it. Here’s what you need to know about adoption.

1. Everything will change

There is nothing more pure than the love of a child. Bringing a child into your world opens your heart and mind to possibilities you may never have had before. Everything in your world will change; absolutely every single detail, regardless if you deliver the child yourself or make the choice to adopt, will change when you bring home a child.

Deciding to open your heart and home, and welcome a child into your world to raise, isn’t an easy task; you don’t just wake up one morning and think, “Today I’m going to adopt a child.” Endless hours of thought and preparation go into making that first decision about adoption, but once you’ve made it, it is just beginning and the rewards are already building.

2. Excitement about adoption

You’ll be so excited to share your news, you’ll want to tell everybody around you. Some may have gone through the process themselves and want to share their stories with you, others may know someone who has adopted a child and want to share their second-hand version of a story, and others may not have any idea of what you’re going to experience. You’ll get ideas from a variety of sources: family, friends, friends of friends…the internet; take what you want from each and start your process. From someone who has been right where you are, I’d like to offer my two cents worth to the pile.

3. Many Options

Consider your ideal experience: does it include a private adoption using lawyers or one through an agency? If you’re considering a private adoption, you may need to review your financial situation and find a good adoption attorney. You’ll need to get the vital details written down for all parties to agree upon before moving forward, and it can be extremely costly. If you decide to use an agency, research is key. Local, national, and international adoptions are all quite different experiences; it’s good to know your comfort zones and know the difference between what you find acceptable, unacceptable, or questionable before moving forward.

As you start looking at your options…local, national or international for starters…find some time to be alone with your thoughts. Make a list of the things that are important to you, considering things such as: do you want an open adoption? What is an open adoption to you? What age of child would you prefer to adopt; does gender matter; what about health issues and/or birth defects? The more time you put into these issues beforehand, the more time it will save you later on in the process.

4. Adoption is love

Some may think a family can never love an adoptive child as much as their own. Let me tell you flat out: that is not true. A parent’s unconditional love for each of their children starts the moment they’re born in your heart; sharing the same blood type or genetic pool is just a formality. Love for your own child–biological or not–is always the best blessing.

Congratulations on your decision about adoption; you will be amazed at how wonderful your life is about to become.

The post 4 Things You Should Know About How to Adopt a Child appeared first on Adoption Magazine | Article, Adoptive Families, Parenting.